69 hues of Disney: the ballad of Gaston and the Kid from Iron Giant
by FlippantTriggering
Summary: Gaston wishes to wield the power of excalibur to get out of the friendzone. The Lady of the Lake yearns to make Gaston suffer by taking a form only the thirstiest of cretins would find appealing. Erotic hilarity ensues.


69 hues of Disney

A tale of Dramatic Eroticism by Buster Manwomb

Chapter 1: Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' doesn't feel like putting on pants

It is a lovely day in the village. Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' woke of to the sounds of birds chirping in his window and the local baker's barely legal triplet daughters sprawled around him on his bare mattress, brown and soiled from the relentless torrents of ejaculate spurting from himself and his multitudes of loose women every night for as long as he can remember. Thankfully for him this didn't really matter since this took place before hygiene was invented, and everybody smelled like dried cum anyways.

"Fucking birds!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' hollered, throwing an empty bottle of rum at the window. He was a man who though himself too sexy to do anything in his own home. Rather than dress himself, he found the girl with the best mouth suction and made her go down on him as he walked. Dragging her around like a sexy vestigial tail. He threw the other others downstairs into the kitchen so they could make him breakfast while he went to the wash room. He didn't have a wash room. He had a shit bucket that he emptied out of the window after every use, much to the chagrin of the neighbouring daycare centre.

"Bitches!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' bellowed charismatically! "you get me breakfast! That orgasm I gave one of you are hella worth some bacon and eggs!"

It turned out that the two girls were still un conscious and probably concussed now after being thrown down a set of stairs. The only things either of the naked blondes managed to do was puke everywhere.

"Fuck!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' bellowed with stifled arousal. "You bitches better make like adequate house bitches and clean this shit. I don't even think I am joking I think you puked to cover up all the shit you shit!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' skeptically theorized with the poetry of a shakespearian poet. "Whatevs!" He said, putting on a shirt. " I am getting breakfast at the bar! You can join me after you clean this shit up and make yourselves look sexy again!" GASTON FROM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST declared as he sauntered of the door, one of the girls only just beginning to regain consciousness as he shut the door.

This bar was a bar that is open twenty four hours a day because fork you, it's the story. "Hey-O, what's up bitche's" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' greeted the equally drunk but slightly even less sexy patrons of the bar. "Bartender!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' called. "For breakfast I shall have a nice mimosa and a bowl of fresh fruit! BAHAHAHA lol no I'm not gay. Get me my usual breakfast!"

The drunk patrons matched him in his laughter. "Oh, Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast', you are so politically correct." The bartender said. "One bottle of scotch on the rocks and a loaf of bread soaked with another bottle of scotch on the rocks coming right up!"

"Policlitoral correctness isn't a thing yet!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' announced. "I can do whatever I want! Instead of wearing pants, I have a naked blonde felatting me!" He said, gesturing to who we will onwards refer to as vestigial tail girl to a round of uproarus applause (don't criticize vestigial tail girl, there's a plot sensitive reason that will make you regret your words and deeds.) (Photosynthesis DOES have something to do with it, don't tell hideo kojima)

Hey, Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast'!" one of the travelling adventurers in the corner of the bar eager to forward the plot called to Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast'. "Did you hear!"

"I can hear the sound of vestigial tail girl flapping her tongue around my bell end!" Gaston yelled quietly.

"No!" The adventurers said. "This is even better!"

"Don't be a dummy!" Gaston said, scarfing down his breakfast. "It's way too early in the morning to be eating chocolate pudding! People might call be crazy!"

The adventurers didn't think he properly heard them but continued anyway. "No! there's a rumor going around that the lady in the lake has Excalibur again! Somebody returned it under warranty!"

Gaston bit the bread and threw the plate at the adventurers! "What a brilliant Idea I just Had! I can use the Excalibur to get out of the Friendzone with Belle!"

This logic confused the adventurers. "I'm pretty sure you aren't friends with her. Also, didn't you die when you fell from the roof of the castle you set fire to?" (this fanfic is a sequel)

Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' threw his bottle at the adventurers! "Poop chutes!" He whisperd maniaclally "Disney owns marvel now, and if you've look at Loki, Agent Coulson, and probably Ultron, death is totally curable! Im Off to the lake." He sauntered to the door "By the power of Skull Head, transform and roll out! Ho!"

The adventurers looked at each other. "Did we… mention which lake the lady was in?"

"Nope" the second adventurer answered.

The third adventurer collapsed after a shard from the bottle Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' threw at them nicked her artery.

chapter 2: foreplay by the lakeside

Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' made his way down to the lake. It was a beautiful lake. woodland creatures sung tunes in their squeaky little voices before Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' threw empty liquor bottles at them. The lake was named shit lake because the man who discovered it got shit on by a goose when he took a swim and drowned. It turned out that the lake was home to a special breed of geese that liked to shit in people's mouthes while their swimming so that they'll drown. Thus, the lake was rarely ever used. Even the geese had fled after several had een shanked by a broken bottle wielded by Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast'.

"This looks like a lake." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' concluded with wisdom. "There has to be a lake bitch here with a sword." He strode galliantly to a neary rocky beachside. "Hmeh." He pondered maturely. "She lives in a lake. I bet she's already wet.

"Lake bitch!" He belched poetically, loudly enough to make the half-drowned mouth-shitting geese corpses in the lake twitch with post-humous startlingness. "Oh lake bitch! I want the sword!"

Gushies of waves bubbled to the surface of the lake, frothing and white like the white froth of a basic bitch's chai tea with extra froth. they folded away to reveal a humanoid figure, form and face hidden by layers of translucent silky robes.

The lake calmed. the figure turned to Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast'.

"Are you the lake bitch?" Gaston let out gas with every iota of charisma he could muster.

"Are you dragging a woman by your genitals?" The figure asked, its voice soft and high pitched.

Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' looked down at vestigial tail girl. Either she was still passed out drunk, or one of the many used syringes that had stuck into her backside whilst being dragged down the rocky beach stll contained some unsavory substance.

The beach was named 'crack ho beach' by the way. The man who discovered the lake was a pimp.

"Oh yeah, her." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' observed. "I din't feel like putting on pants this morning."

"I see." The figure responded. "Well, to answer your question, and am the lady of the lake-"

"Lake bitch." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' either corrected or repeated with confirmation. No one's sure which. "You have excabrabree?"

"Excalibur?" The figure confirmed. "Why the hell would you want excalibur, you boorish cunt." The figure asked with humanly unattainable poshness.

"Well, my STDs have combined themselves into a stringy morphing mass of semi sentient flesh." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' proclaimed with incomprehensible pride. "You cannot tell with Vestigial Tail Girl in the way, but my downstairs business looks like the climax of the videogame 'Prototype' fucked one of those flying whale things from the first Avengers movie. I wish to slay it."

The figure stood still, possibly with a perplexed look hidden beneath the fabrics.

"Also, I want to kill my way out of the friendzone with belle." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' recalled obstinately.

The figure must have had a fetish for disgusting fleshy masses, since the figure didn't immediately slay Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' where he stood, preventing his future offspring from plaguing the gene pool, and eliminating the strongest argument for eugenics that the local neo-nazi knitting group had. "Well, your cause is just." The figure strangely concluded.

"Gimme." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' his hands outstretched, tongue dangling with anticipation.

"However" The figure finished. " i Do not have excalibur."

"You fucking wot?" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' blurted with the fury of a sex addict whose girlfriend walked away to watch 'Fear the Walking Dead' live right in the middle of a blowjob the fucking bitch. "Arent you the bitch of the lake?!"

"Bitch" the lady of the lake said with welcoming hostility. "Do you know how many lakes there are? We can't all be giving excalibur to every sweaty beefcake moseying by asking for legendary weaponry."

"So you have nothing? Fucking indian giver" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' inquired racistly.

"I do not have excalibur." The figure calmly responded with the infinite fury of a mouse that stubbed it's toe. "BUTT. I do have another weapon, quite legendary in it's own right. The club of Sir James F. Sterlingson. Earn it and you might have it."

"Lady bitch, I must have this weapon! What will you have me do?"

"You." The figure teased, pulling back his hood back "Must pleasure me. Pleasure me with the relentless fury of a jackrabbit on Cialis!"

Gaston from beauty and the beast was taken aback by the face he saw before him. "Why do you look like the kid from iron giant?"

"Because i can take many forms."

"Would you choose any other form?"

"No, amd hereon you shall call me 'the kid from iron giant'. Not Hogarth, though. Unlike my chubby boyish thighs, that name is completely unarousing." The kid from iron giant said, hiking up his silky skirts, and then pulling them over his head. Despite having legs as smooth and creamy as a Catholic priest's favorite altar boy, his chest was fucking ripped, and as hairy as the drain of a ymca locker room shower. The kid from Iron Giant wanted to creep out Gaston from 'beauty and the Beast', but he wasn't a dirty catholic priest/pedophile/bootleg pickled egg salesman (the kid from 'Iron Giant' had some bad experiences with one of his mom's many simultaneous boyfriends, but that a story for another time)

The kid from 'Iron Giant's penis looked like a tiny unicorn vomitting a live octopus, if it's neck was twelve inches long and veiny.

"I and not attracted to that." Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' declared. "Can't I just plop Vestigial Tail Girl atop that thing-"

"I have named my penis the unicocktapus." The kid from Iron Giant declared with finality.

"Do I need to call it that?" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' asked with stifled magnetism.

"You will call it SIR unicocktapus!" The kid from 'Iron Giant' declared.

"Look, lake bi-"

"THE KID FROM MOTHERFUCKING 'IRON GANT'" the kid from "Iron Giant ejaculated loudly. "And no, it must be you who pleasures me. If it makes you feel better, I can turn you into a frothing pansexual usuing my plot-convenient motherfucking jedi powers." The Kid from 'Iron Giant' waved his hand like a jedi. "I love SIR Unicocktapus. I want SIR Unicocktapus inside of me.

Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' was not a man of particularly stable mental constitution, and was particularly susceptible to the mind tricks of the kid from 'Iron Giant'. From the moment he waved his hand, Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' tore off his shirt, pulled Vestigial Tail Girl (still unconscious, and probably in need of a tetanus shot since she was now doing her best impression of a syringe-themed pin cushion) of his downstairs business and tossed her to the side like so many crusty socks!"

"Oh yes!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' mewled. "Make me feel like a woman again, Kid frm Iron Giant!" he lunging towards the kid from 'Iron Giant' and wrapping his lips around SIR Unicocktapus with a passionate 'Glompf' noise. SIR Unicocktapus had a slimy texture, pounding against all sides of Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast''s mouth like a serving of veal that he'd forgotten to kill. It tasted of cinamon. "Aloughkoffugumuh!" Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' announced, not being clever enough to realize that words didn't come out right when one if pleasuring a thick turgid penis that looks like if Cthulhu was a unicorn. "Ghormufulu! Uhhhhhh Hyus! Muh! Muh!"

Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast" could feel the tentacles writhe around excitedly in his mouth as his tongue slobbered around SIR Unicocktapus' lengthy tentacles wrapped themselves around everything they could find, plunging into the massive gaps between Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast's brown, rotten, and infuriatingly erotic teeth. It was the closest thing to a flossing he'd ever gotten.

It's worth mentioning here that if this were ever made into a film (fingers crossed, I've been dropping copies of this with links to my deviantart page all over Disneyland every other week), this whole story would be accompanied by the soundtrack to 'Frozen'.

"Oh, yes!" the kid from Iron Giant moaned with ectasy, running his fingers through Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast's hair. His voice dropped to sound like if Will Ferrell inhaled an unhealthy amount of helium and did an impression of Christopher Walken. "Take the full mass of SIR Unicocktapus, Gaston from Beauty and the Beast! Fill your respiratory system with the relentless erotic glory of SIR Unicocktapus!" He grabbed Gaston from Beauty and the Beast by the back of his head and plunged the full length (at least two feet when erect) of SIR Unicocktapus. Gaston coughed and choked, muffling in protest. The kid from 'Iron Giant did not care. If anything, the dfensive iting of Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast's rotten yellow nubs he called teeth felt more like an enthusiastic gumming, which only made SIR Unicocktapus swell even more!

"Yes! Yes!" The kid from Iron Giant roared. "Yes! YEs... YES! I'm going to come!" The kid from Iron Giant promptly tugged SIR Unicocktapus out of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast's respiratory system, his face red and flustered with sexual discovery and oxygen deprivation.

"That was so good!" Gaston from Beauty and the Beast mewled. "SIR Unicocktapus tastes like mayonnaise and cinnamon!"

"Of fucking course it did, man whore." The kid from Iron Giant aroused dejectedly.

"Now bend me over! I want to get in some bum diddles before I cum! Lucky for you I am immune to most STDs!

Chapter 3: the wreckoning

Gaston from Beauty and the Beast bent the kid from Iron Giant over a nearby log. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast grasped the Kid from Iron Giant's hairy man boobs firmly, yet tenderly for leverage. with careful anticipation, Gaston from Beauty and the Beauty guided his now furiously erect deformed phallic mass that his proverbial fruit salad of STDs had reduced his genitals to towards the Kid from Iron Giants bleahed white poop chute, quizering with anticipation.

Gaston from Beauty and the Beast's penis smooshed against the entryway into the kid from Iron Giant's large intestine, but eventually the entryway prolasped and Gaston from Beauty and the Beast's penis popped inside like a boiled egg.

"Ooooooooh yeah!" The kid from Iron Giant whooped, his hairy potbelly wobbling with the forward thrust. "Faster, Gaston from Beauty and the Beast! Faster!"

Gaston from Beauty of the Beast obliged, and soon there was nary a spot of the lake where the repetitious sounds of moist suction and the Kid from Iron Giant's ghastly erotic sreams could not be heard.

At this very moment, the Beauty and the (Former) Beast from the Beauty and the Beast were enjoying a leisurely walk through the forest when they heard strange sounds coming from Shit Lake. Perhaps another victim of the Geese was drowning and needed their help. They walked towards crack ho beach when the saw the Kid from Iron Giant roleplaying the turkey and gaston from beauty and the beast rolepaying they stuffing."

"Should we kill Gaston? Belle from Beauty and the Beast asked, disregarding the peaceful expectation of her character.

"No" (Former) Beast from Beauty an the Beast answered. "If I know what's going on here, this is a fate worse than death for him.

They walked away just as the Kid from IRon Giant yelled that he's about to cum.

Without waiting for Gaston from Beauty and the Beast to pull out, the kid from Iron Giant stood up and turned around. "Get on your knees, Gaston from Beauty and the Beast! It's Gonna blow!"

The torrent of hot white loove gushing from the neighing mouth of SIR Unicocktapus was both ceaseless and plentyful, decorating the forest around them and filling the entire countryside with the smell of low tide and expired tapioca pudding. When SIR Unicocktapus finally began to settle down Gaston appeared to have been cosplaying as a half-melted Frosty the Snowman (From Frosty the Snowman). How the kid from Iron Giant learned to ejaculate corn cob pipes and button noses is a secret that will be lost to history.

"That was amazing!" The kid from Iron Giant said to half-melted snowman Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. "I release you from your Star-Wars induced pansexuality."

Gaston blinked and after a few seconds of remembering the event that had transpired, screamed with homophobic shame. "GAH." he spurting between drooping layers of semen! "I am not a woman! Gah." He frantically waded through the knee-high puddles of Semen, hoping to remind himself of his heterosexuality by returning Vestigial Tail Girl to what he thought was his rightful place on his genitals. Alas, he could not find her.

"For bum diddles that good, you you deserve the Club of Sir James F. Sterlingson!"

Gaston from Beauty and the Beast turned back to the Kid from Iron Giant. "Well, tat does make this whole ordeal a little better."

The kid from Iron Giant looked into a nearby bush that was only slightly totally submerged in semen, and pulled out a dildo that looked a LOT fucking longer than three feet. The kid from Iron Giant presented it to Gaston from beauty and the Beast.

"The fuck is this?"

"Haven't you ever watched the Jimquisition on Youtube? that was his favorite prop. I traded him for a hairier one with Willem Dafoe's head instead of a bell end.

"I can't use this to get with Belle from Beauty and the Beast!"Gaston Cheered oppositely ofthe despair he felt. (My backsace just broke; I ned a new keybard)

"I Saw her walk past." The kid from Iron Giant teased dutifully. The infinite power of Christ can't get you with her now. If it makes you feel any better, I wil show you my true form."

"Are you really a hot bitch?" Gaston from Beauty and the Beast asked, cleverly hiding his tears beaneath the inches of semen caked onto his face.

"Yes." The kid from Iron Giant morphed before Gaston from Beauty and the beast, into a beautiful and curvy woman I'd have said looked just like KAte Upton if Kate Upton hadn't said she'd sue the ever-living shit out of me if I put her name in here.

"Wait" Gaston from Beauty and the Beast said quizzically. "How much do you weigh, lake bitch?"

"I'm a hundred and twenty five pounds." She answered, twirling a lock of shining golden hair."

"Nooooooo, you're a BBW!" Gaston from beauty and the Beast cried with body-shaming despair, commiting suicide.

The End.


End file.
